I'd done everything right; everything I read about.
My phone was on silent and out of sight. I found a great instrumental playlist to stream through my noise-cancelling headphones. I had my notepad within reach for quickly jotting down ideas; my browser tabs were closed. My workspace was clean and tidy. Glass of water nearby. No one home. It was quiet. I had chosen something important to work on.
But still...
I couldn't focus.
I was... distracted.
How could this be? There wasn't anything in my environment to distract me. I'd made sure of it. No shiny objects, nothing pulling at my attention.
I sat for awhile thinking about what was going on. No one explained what to do next.
So I decided to close my eyes. And just listen.
To the quiet enveloping me. Nothing there.
To my body. Right hip is a little uncomfortable as I sit in this position but nothing too unusual.
To my mind. Also nothing seemingly out of the ordinary. Just the usual cacophony of random thoughts scurrying around.
But I decide to wait here and listen a bit longer. Sure enough, I hear a whisper. About that conversation I had with my partner earlier that morning. The one where she said something that didn't sit right with me but because I was in a rush I didn't speak up. The comment that she'd made before. The one I didn't like.
And so here I am, all decked out for distraction-free deep work, and I can't do it. Because the distraction is coming from inside the house. Inside me. And this was not something I anticipated nor was prepared for.